I don’t know if it means anything, but just lately whenever I bump into an acquaintance, it’s always someone who’s just gotten a divorce. This sort of thing troubles me more than you’d think, for the simple reason that there are only a few patterns of conversation you can hold with someone you haven’t seen for a while.
Typically these conversations start with “So how’s the job?” or “Where are you living now?” and always seem to end with “And how's the wife?” It’s not as though I want to know about their wives’ latest trends or anything, I couldn’t care less, it’s just a form of small talk, like a seasonal greeting or something. Whenever I ask that question, I’m really just hoping for a simple answer along the lines of “Yeah, she’s doing ok” or something.
If at that moment, they say something like “Oh, actually we got a divorce” it’s not only troubling for them, it’s troubling for me as well. It’s not as though I have anything against divorce, it’s just that I have no idea how to respond. If it was news of a wedding or a birth I could get away with “That’s great to hear!” and if it was a funeral something like “That must have been tough” would cover it.
When it comes to divorce though, none of those handy phrases are available to me. Maybe they were glad they got a divorce, but there’s no way for me to know that. If I said something like “That must be a relief!” it would sound kind of irresponsible, and something like “Wow, I’m really envious of you” would just sound superficial. If I put on a serious face though, and said “I’m really sorry to hear that” it would ruin both our moods.
I always end up saying something like “Oh, really? Hmm…” And the other person says something like “Yeah...” This has happened to me 3 or 4 times in a row now, and I’m getting thoroughly sick and tired of it.
Divorce is becoming more common throughout the world, so wouldn’t it be good if they added a chapter on it to those funeral and wedding etiquette books you can buy? Well, I think it’s a good idea anyway.
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